Before the Cricket kicked off [tipped off? Bowled off? Hit off?] this week, the fellows over at Sportsfreak were focused on the All Blacks' end of year tour, and the lack of tries in their games. The print media also seem to have chosen this as their lead angle ahead of this weekend's match (exhibit a, b, c, d... need I go on?) against France.

You can see my original response over there, where I gave some stats about the tries the All Blacks have scored and conceded in the NH over the past 11 years, but it sparked something in me. At school, I didn't really pay much attention in Maths. If it was something that captured my attention (like graphs and shit) I'd do it, but as soon as I got to sixth form I dropped it. It's never been a problem in day to day life, but this week I've felt completely incompetent. I've been trying to come up with all kinds of mathmatical stats and graphs for this post, and I'm extremely lucky to have Hadyn's patient tutelage to help me. If it hadn't been for him, you'd have all kinds of data here, and it would be presented on an unreadable line graph.

Something I didn't need help for was gathering the data for this. And it's actually a new feature of the Dropkicks. You can see it here. Currently it features all international test matches from 2006-today, but I may backdate it eventually if I see the need, and I may use it for a post about the Rugby World Cup and whether the 'minnow' teams are becoming more competitive.

The first table to have a look at, because I know you want to see the stuff revolving around the All Blacks, is the 6 Nations. [if this was TV that would be a hook - You would have no choice but to stick with me to find out. But this is a blog, so it doesn't work as well... Fuck.]

Enough Shenanigans, let me see it!

Warning: This post is a not-to-subtle call to attention directed at Robbie Deans. Yesterday I tweeted this:

Can anyone guess what these numbers mean? 76, .842 24, .708 27, .519

Graham Henry has been the coach of the All Blacks for 76 matches and has a .842 win percentage. Peter de Viliers, the coach of the Springboks who copped a fair bashing last year, has been in charge for 24 matches and has a .708 win record. I think you know who the third coach is: Robbie Deans. 27 games, .519 win record. He's only just won more than half the internationals he's been the boss for.

Let me see more numbers!

We may have lost the match on Saturday, but I guess the NZRU will be happy to know they've gone viral! Meanwhile, the Wallabies are happy to confirm what we already knew. They're desperate for fans.

­­The Dropkicks analyse the All Blacks rugby victory over the South Africans at Cape Town; take a look at Australia's chances of doing the same; and have a squizz at how this year's Air NZ Cup is shaping up.

Download Episode 31 [the Rugby­ bit]

Subscribe to the Dropkicks Podcast (iTunes users click here).

First of all I would like to say that I totally predicted that this would happen.

Brad Thorn had his face mushed into the ground by John Smit. Thorn picks up Smit and dumps him on the ground in a dangerous fashion. He gets suspended for one week.

Bismark du Plessis, brought in to replace the now injured Smit, gets his hands a little too close to Adam Thompson's eyes­ during a ruck. He gets suspended for three weeks.

Interestingly both suspensions mean the players only miss one game, however:

[The South African Rugby union] are angry about the severity of the sentence handed out to du Plessis, and in particular when it is compared with what they believe was a far more serious breach by Thorn. They are now down to their third-string hooker, with Schalk Brits due to start against the ­Wallabies in Perth this weekend.

Though I don't remember the NZRU complaining when we were down to our replacement lock, and, in my opinion, eyes are a bit more important than legs (or even groins). Still both men were stupid and both have been punished with a one game suspension.

Hol-lee Jesus Fuck!

Did you know the All Blacks are sitting on 29 straight home victories? That's amazing! Why do these stats only come out when there's a chance they might be broken?

Also if we win (and just to reitterate, we haven't lost to South Africa in New Zealand for 10 years) we will retain the World Number 1 spot we lost after the World Cup. If that happens, South Africa will have only played three tests as the number 1 team in the world (although for some reason they count it in "weeks", which gives them 26).

From Stuff:

Springboks to provide massive test - Henry­

Well yes, quite possibly. The world champions are in town facing to face an All Black squad riddled with injuries and arrests and possible suspensions (more on that later). Yep, I'd say that might be a little bit of a worry for us.

As always, SPOILER ALERT 

7.05am Did you know England are 17/41 since last world cup? I got that from ESPN not TV3. The English team are making their way out. Only Martin Correy looks confident. The South Africans wander out. Jeez they're big! They're carrying a toy Springbok too. Big softies.

7.00am Bryan Habana closes his eyes during the anthem (drink!). Meanwhile a guy in a Nelson Mandela mask dances in the stands.

7.01am I know we have some South African readers, can someone tell us how to pronounce Schalk Burger's first name? 3 commentators, 3 different pronounciations.

7.03am Kick off!

7.03.46am Lineout!

7.05am The first hearing of Swing Low Sweet Chariots (later note: I didn't hear it after this one time).

7.06am Grant Fox just said "as you can see just off your screen..."

7.08am TRY! (Juan Smith) A good break by a slow JP Pieterson brilliant support by Fourie du Preez (deservedly named man of the match) and then Smith in untouched for the try. England could've stopped that but they didn't get enough numbers back.

7.12am WTF is Bryan Habana covered in grease? Hamish McKay tells us how Habana can bench press 170kg. I think McKay has set up cameras in the gym.

7.16am Am I the only one who thinks that South Africa are wearing shoulder pads?

7.17am Sackey tackled without the ball, ref doesn't call it, will this come back later? Note: during this world cup I have noticed an annoying trend of there being no replays of penalties.

7.19am with the advent of sideline microphones the South African's lineout calls are broadcast around the world.

7.25am there will be a fight between the front rows sometime during this game, man I hope so.

7.27am South Africa miss a try due to selfishness.

7.43am With the penalty it's 800 points for Percy Montgomery (seriously. Congrats Percy)

7.46am TRY (JP Pieterson) du Preez gets a good break and Pieterson finishes it off

7.57am well it's half time and the only thing that England lead are number of tackles (32-25) and penalties conceded (4-1).

8.05am Penalty to Percy Montgomery.

8.17am England haven't threatened for a looong while and they better not because I don't want them screwing up my point spread.

8.19am Jason Robinson pulls up in midfield grabbing his hamstring. There goes England's best player of the night.

8.27am TRY! (JP Pieterson) South Africa are really sticking it in now and England are taking it like they're on Spanish Fly

8.29am I can hear that brass band again. Who are these guys? Though they are playing "Vindaloo" this time. Vindaloo vindaloo la la!!!

8.33am The English are playing great forward rugby. Of course 33-0 down, this might not be the time.

8.40am English supporter shown drinking from a hip flask.

8.45am what a boring end to the game. The English never looked good, never seemed to have any passion in this game. If they play like that against any top tier team (and some second tier teams) at this world cup and they will suffer a similar fate. Samoa must be rubbing their hands in glee. South Africa have effectively wrapped up the pool and can concentrate on getting ready for the knockout stages.

­

There is a question in New Zealand every four years that is just as pressing as “please God will we win this time?” That question is “Which team do we hate the most?” Is it the saucy French who knocked us out twice? Is it the bastard Aussies who laughed at us? Or is it the South Africans?

We haven’t actually played the Africans that often in the World Cup (and South Africa is the only African nation we have played at a World Cup). The Springboks beat a demoralised All Blacks squad in the third/fourth play-off in 1999 (which meant the All Blacks had to qualify for the 2003 Cup). The Boks then lost in 2003 rather badly 29-9. But of course the Springboks match that most New Zealand rugby fans recall is the final of the 1995 World Cup.

It was a hot clear day in June at Ellis Park in Johannesburg. South Africa was still glowing in post-apartheid bliss and, soon-to-be President-for-life, Nelson Mandela smiled happily from the stands. And somewhere, a waitress named Suzie stood cackling over a bubbling green cauldron of food poison.

The two teams were as good a match as you could ever get. Jonah Lomu had just played the game of his life against England (you know the one) and his kidney disease was still way off. Jeff “Goldie” Wilson was in his prime, Fitzy was still the captain and of course there was Mehrtens. But the Africans had Joel Stransky and that’s all they needed (an embellishment).

15-12 was the final score (after extra time). It was probably the greatest match without a try.

But it was Coach Laurie Mains’ later accusation of food poisoning that would leave a slight mark on the victory. Mains believed that there was a massive conspiracy that went all the way up to the top. In this fantasy world an odourless, tasteless powder was mixed into the All Blacks tea by the aforementioned Suzie (isn’t that a nice thought, the All Blacks sitting down for tea).

While we generally do not really believe this conspiracy theory, it still hurts that we didn’t win with some genuinely legendary players. As such South Africa is up there in teams we hate at World Cups list.

To rub salt in, this year South Africa are seen as real threats to win the whole thing. When you ask a rugby-literate person who they think will win the cup (or rather who will the All Blacks meet in the final), South Africa is the #1 contender.

A strong showing in this year’s Super 14 and a fair go in the Tri-Nations (when they weren’t resting players). Also they’ve pissed off the Aussies by hiring former Wallabies Coach Eddie Jones as a “consultant”.

So will the All Blacks be meeting the South African’s in the finals? The South Africans will have to beat England, like they did twice already this year, to top their pool; if they do that then we could meet them in the finals. If England pulls an upset, then we could meet South Africa in the semis. Unlikely, but who knows.

The Springboks open against Samoa on the 9th in Paris, then have a big match against England on the 14th in St Denis and cruise home with Tonga on the 22nd in Lens and the USA on the 30th in Montpellier.

The Springbok’s plan for press conferences this year seems to be to just say whatever shit comes to the top of their heads.

The Springboks are now considering performing an old Zulu war dance to match the All Blacks' haka at the Rugby World Cup.

South African coach Jake White said, "The history books show that the 1926 Springboks performed a Zulu war dance in major matches on their tour.

"This is no gimmick, it is a part of our rugby history and tradition. I have heard old All Blacks sit in the grandstand and pick up the whole mood of the team just from the haka. All I am saying is that maybe it is time we revived a genuine tradition from the past of South African rugby."

White seems to be defending this a little too much. “No, no really, it’s genuine!”

But here is where White just starts making shit up. He claimed the Springboks were closer to tradition with their challenge than New Zealand was with the haka.

So the Springboks did this on one tour back in 1926 and the All Blacks have been performing Ka Mate continuously since the 1880s, but the Springboks are somehow closer to it? What about the new Kapa O Pango, a haka that was written especially for the team?

I look forward to seeing this war dance and hope it will bring some fiery responses from the likes of Tonga, Samoa and Fiji as well as New Zealand. The traditional nationalism of rugby is often what sets it apart in the sports world. England has its Sweet Chariots, Wales it’s Bread of Heaven, the Pacific nations have their various haka and siva tau, Australia has (for some reason) Waltzing Matilda. Other teams adopting their own national symbolism would be amazing and help the ailing international tests.

Perhaps the French could have a bottle of wine or the Irish could sip a Guinness, that would be great.