Wow. So, how to start writing a preview of New Zealand for the upcoming rugby world cup?

To call it an obsession for NZ to win the world cup is probably a bit of an understatement. The world cup is like our prom night, except we only get to go once every four years. If 1642 was the birth of the nation (actually it was sorta when we got discovered but for the purposes blah blah), then winning the World Cup in 1987 was the first occasion we got laid. Okay so it took us 345 years to finally get her (the cup - Willamina Webb Ellis) into the backseat of our HQ Holden and have our way with her but comparatively speaking that’s pretty young for a country. We edged "big brother" Australia by four years (1991) and England was 1,039 when they finally popped their cherry in 2003. And poor old France, despite her reputation as the land of great lovers, will still be taunted by sniggers and calls of "le virgin, le virgin" throughout this cup, for, even after 1,164 years, Les Bleus remain tormented (and how tormented? - consider they have made it to "third base" twice, only to get a little too excited on the home stretch and blow it before "sealing the deal", heh heh - And in fact, the lack of French success is the inspiration for the phrase "le bleu boules" otherwise known as "blue balls".).

Now other countries have other highlights, other girls, to focus on between world cups; Australia has cricket, England has the Euro and the football world cup etc. But for NZ, living virtually alone in our corner of the world, "focusing", on only one hottie, it’s been a long, long time between lays. That’s not to say we haven’t been spading our guts out the whole time.

Prior to each of the big dances since 1987, this little nation of 4 million people has been considered the big man on campus. The stud guaranteed to be taking the prom queen home. And each time since, we have been edged out.

In 1991 we turned up still suffering a little from the 1987 hangover, hoping natural talent would suppress the selection uncertainty and unsettled feeling within the squad. Australia, the other jock on the block, nicked off with the prom queen on that occasion, beating NZ 16-6 before we could even get into the ballroom for the big dance.

In 1995, again rated the best and sporting a brand new left forearm that we used to beat up everybody; we had both our hands on the girl, only to have her whipped away at the last second by the damn new guy, South Africa.

In France 1999, full of confidence and coached by a true smooth talker we got humbled by the bloody foreign exchange student - France, who, spotting our loose pants, gave us the big down-trow as we walked up to the podium to receive our crown, forcing us to scuttle away and hide till 2003.

In the most recent world cup, we returned with a new belt, but still without an eye on our behind. This time it was old foes Australia, who snuck up behind us and gave us an atomic wedgie in front of everyone. The sight of us hunched over, our y-fronts tucked over our head, flailing about like a crab on its back has been burned into our memories ever since....

Now it is 2007. For the last four years we have been working out at the gym, trying out all sorts of different tuxedos (they eventually settled for All Black - what a surprise), setting up lots of mirrors throughout the ballroom so we can keep an eye on our backs. This year, damn it, we are determined to take the girl home. This time will be different. This time... this time... even greater than the last...

The NZ All Blacks kick off their campaign against Italy on the 8^th. They follow this with matches against Portugal (15^th), Scotland (23^rd) and Romania (29^th) setting up a likely second round clash with Ireland, France or Argentina.