The Dropkicks: A sports blog and pocast

Fantasy rugby competitions, where punters can pick their teams to contest matches against other punters, are becoming more and more popular. With a common budget, competitors will “purchase” individual players who will score points for match stats (tackles, line-breaks, etc) and actual match points (tries, goals etc). Naturally high scoring positions like 1^st 5/8^th and the wings, blah blah blah. But in this fantasy world, a non-point-producing player is dropped quicker than burning bag of shit, without a thought given for the player or their welfare.

But this isn’t about the ins and outs of the fantasy competitions, this is about Fantasy vs Reality. And reality bites.

In the fantasy world, its all about the pursuit of points, if it dont work, all you lose is kudos with the local sportsnerd-fraternity.

The suits in Super rugby headquarters are beginning to think like this. According to this, they want a return to the super rugby olde school. Players, coaches and referees are being “encouraged” to encourage a weekend-windback to the days big scores, big hits, and big line breaks. Now in a fantasy world this is great. In reality, not so.

To true we, the fans, will applaud the return to “hurricane rugby” i.e. chucking the ball around with reckless abandon, attacking from anywhere, giving no thought for field position, making possession a word confined to horror movies, and measuring pace by how fast you can turn around and chase the guy who just pounced on your turn-over.

But franchise boards will have targets; ticket-buying spectators don’t show up to teams that lose, no matter how open and running their rugby is. The coaches and players want to win for bonuses and prestige. And the defensive screens established over a decade of “win-at-all-cost” rugby will not go quietly into the night.

This idea of “open running rugby” will be true for the first round maybe.

Maybe.

But reality bites. Quickly.

This is the NFL's ad, showing Reggie Bush's awesome touchdown against the Dolphins that I was blabbering on to Hadyn about yesterday.

TruTV's ad featuring Troy Polamalu, defensive powerhouse of the Steelers.

Google's ad was close, but not the best...

... My favourite has gotta be the Snickers ad.

We've all felt, at some stage or another, that our favourite team has been cheated out of a win - almost as though the powers that be, whether they are referees, the sporting body, or the broadcaster, had complete control of the match. And not just when you watch WWE wrestling.

This next clip takes that premise, applies it to the Superbowl, and runs with it.

NFL Writers Room: Super Bowl XLIV

The NZI Sevens website tells me that the competition kicks off in 2 days and 23 hours. That guarantees that the next 5 days in the capital will be 25-35 degrees without a cloud in the sky. This will be the third straight year I've boycotted the live event and watched at home. Well, when I say boycott I mean 'this'll be my fourth year as a student, and the third I can't afford to go'. Since I actually watch and enjoy the IRB series, I figured it'd be a help to profile the teams for those who're watching - either at the Caketin or at home.

The Structure

First you'll need to understand the way the NZI Sevens work. There are 16 teams, spread across four pools [so four in each pool]. There are four trophies on offer - the Cup, Plate, Bowl and Shield. The 8 teams who finish third and fourth in their pool will contest the Bowl. The four teams which lose their first match in the Bowl tournament will drop down to contest the Shield, with the two winning teams in the first game going on to the Shield final, while the four teams which remained in the Bowl do the same. This process is identical for the Cup - the top two teams in each pool move on, those which lose their Cup game drop down to contest the Plate.

Pool A

Pool A consists of New Zealand, South Africa, Wales and Niue. New Zealand have opened the season with wins in both Dubai and George, while defending IRB Sevens winners South Africa have not made a Cup semi or final to date - losing 21-17 to eventual finalists Fiji. Keep an eye out for Mzwandile Stick, who slotted a massive dropkick from the sideline to tie their match with Kenya in George. Wales are only 2 points behind South Africa, as they have won the Bowl in both competitions, while SA has lost the Plate final in both tournaments. This will be the first time in the current tournament that Niue have fielded a team.

Keep an eye out for;

It'll be hard to miss a single NZ player, but Kurt Baker [he'll have the raggedy looking mullet, which is all the other teams ever see of him as they chase him down the wing], Ben Souness and Sherwin Stowers have been exceptional to date, while DJ Forbes has looked like he's enjoying himself once again. Forbes has been the most physical player on the tour this season, as that picture shows... and let's not forget the aforementioned Mzwandile Stick of South Africa.

Prediction: The Cup winner will come from this group. Either NZ or SA.

Pool B Pool B has Fiji, Australia, Papua New Guinea and Scotland. If I may be so bold, I'm going to refer to this group as the 'also rans' as none of the teams have shown sufficient ability so far this season to make them Cup contenders. Fiji made the final in George, but only after being pushed by Argentina and South Africa. In that match against NZ they looked extremely tired, possibly due to their focus on muscle and brute force. Australia were out of their depth in George, getting a thorough hiding from England in the Plate semifinal [though they won it in Dubai], while Scotland are yet to make a semi this year. The Scottish team have won won game - against Tunisia - and drawn against Zimbabwe, but haven't even looked close against anyone else. Like Niue, PNG have not fielded a team yet.

Keep an eye out for; Bernard and Shaun Foley from Australia - they're not the best players in the world, but they're committed and work well with each other. Clinton Sills is their best attacking weapon, and he should be good for 3 or 4 tries in Wellington. But in terms of talent in Pool B, it's impossible to look past William Ryder. He is simply a meast and the whole package - speed, finesse and strength in one tight-fitting Fijian shirt. He's an intense player and gives everything to his team - and definitely plays 'til the whistle blows. Here he is telling Stick how much he enjoyed his mother's baking. He's leading the points scoring so far this season and probably my favourite - either he or Stowers, who is leading try scorer.

Prediction; Unfortunately, this group has a rough ride. The team which tops it [Should be Fiji] will face the 2nd side in Pool A - so either NZ or SA. If Fiji can get over that hurdle, they'll be a shoe in for the final. Their best chance of winning the Cup will be to play SA in the final. Australia, Scotland and PNG will be contesting the Bowl or Shield, realistically, since the 2nd place Pool B team plays the 1st placed Pool A side.

Pool C Tonga, Kenya, England, USA. That's the way I'm picking this pool too. Tonga's first tournament of the 2009 series, but they're always a tough side. Kenya, if they progress as I've picked them, will be the NZ media darlings. Traditionally, the team which 'punches above its weight' is picked up by the national media and the commentators forever repeat that they are 'fan favourites' - usually this is the US. Kenya's development over the past few years has been excellent. While they've retained the slender frames that allow them to run so effectively, they've also learnt how to handle contact. Broken tackles are not as abundant now as they once were. My favourite part of watching Kenya though is the intelligence they utilise on field. They don't simply resort to set plays, they create them on the fly. It's hard to describe until you see it. England have been as disappointing as Australia so far, but if they can beat Tonga or Kenya, they'll get a big confidence boost. One of these three teams will be my dark horse to make the final, and one will definitely take out the Bowl. The US get an honorable mention, and will be Bowl contenders.

Keep an eye out for; If you hadn't guessed already, Kenya are my favourite team aside from New Zealand. Collins Injera [L] and Humphrey Kayange [R] are superb players and seeing them lope down the field, looking like they're not even trying, is awesome. Injera is only 3 tries behind Stowers and second on the try table this year. From England, who have the most horrid uniform on the circuit - honestly, the back makes no sense - veteran Ben Gollings and 20-year-old Dan Caprice are their best hopes.

Prediction; I've laid it out. If Tonga stumble, it'll come down to Kenya v England. Whoever wins that will be the best hope. If demoted, Kenya should lick their lips at the prospect of taking home the Plate, but England are not Cup challengers.

Pool D Here it is: The cliched 'pool of death'. Except in this case, it's four mediocre teams. Argentina and Samoa can compete in the Cup ranks, but none of these sides even look like winning it - but they are all around each others level, and it'll create excellent pool matches, that's for sure.

Keep an eye out for; Mikaele Pesamino of Samoa - He was basically born to hit you hard, steal the ball and run it back for a try. He is hugggge and has been around for years. If you haven't heard of him, it's a safe bet you're not going to the Sevens to watch rugby - rather to perve and get pissed.

Prediction Samoa and Argentina will top the group. Samoa can make the semis, but Argentina will play for the Plate. France will contest the Bowl and Canada the Shield.

Remember the training sessions the All Blacks held last year where they had players running around with cameras strapped to their heads? Not to be outdone, check out this pearler of a press release from the Scottish 6 Nations team.

The Scotland rugby team has been taking advantage of technology pioneered by club and community rugby sponsor, Scottish Hydro, and their partners at technology firm, Cyberhawk Innovations, to offer a groundbreaking perspective on preparations for this weekend's 6 Nations opener against France at Murrayfield.

The flying Cyberhawk drones, nicknamed 'The Flying Scot' after Scotland's joint record try-scorer, Ian Smith, are kept stable by eight independent rotor-blades, managed by an on-board GPS.

The units are fitted with video equipment capable of relaying live action and still images to the team's coaches and video analysts from up to 300m above the training ground, or from directly behind the players themselves, to offer a player's view of the action.

So you're using cutting-edge robotics to make your team better? Couldn't you have just cut out the middleman and strapped giant robot legs to Chris Paterson? And has Northern Hemisphere rugby just resorted to the gimmick? First it was 3DTV, now it's flying robots... What's next, the Dallas Cowboys' cheerleaders?

I've been on a bit of a break since last Monday. Why? I've been basking in the glow of a win.
As my last post may have suggested, I've been thinking more and more about history and rivalries. Do they really exist in rugby union any more? The Wellington Lions' loss to Taranaki in the Air NZ Cup barely caused a ripple in the Wellington community last year.

But then along came this game. This glorious game. Which showed, more than ever, the difference between fans and teams in American Football and rugby union.

What're you babbling about now then?

I woke up on Thursday last week and felt something weird. A disturbance, if you like. I guess you could say a disturbance in the force. The reason for this became clear when I saw a tweet from Hadyn sending me to this piece on the Wallabies website [you'll want to throw pepper over your right shoulder after clicking that link] about KooGa's release of their first iteration of the Wallabies uniform.

I don't like it. You'll know I have pretty strong feelings about uniform design if you've been here before, and not just found this post on a random google search of 'Australia is shit' - and as such, I formed a strong opinion about the uniform in less time that it took for google to search for those three words.

My first thought was when I noticed the wording of Qantas. The lighting makes it look like it's inset, right? [though on futher inspection I don't think it is.] Which I thought was cool. Then, looking at the enlarged image [click it to get a pop-out view] I saw that there's no more wallabra. Both of these were positives. Then I went on the hunt for better pictures, turning to my tried and trusted source. Instantly all the good feelings I had were gone.

Let's look at the jerseys for a start. The colour used has changed quite significantly - from gold to yellow. Almost like the canary shirts Wales are currently using. Which is all well and good, but this isn't Detroit. I may be mistaken, but I don't remember the Aussie's veering away from the gold uni for as long as I've been alive [and this pic from 1984 shows them in gold, as does this from 1979 - both well before I was born...]. I wonder how the yellow will show up on HD TV, where the Hurricanes strip which looks tamer positively glows under floodlights.

The green piping is a step in the right direction, as it is not overused, and is placed pretty well. I'd be keen for a look at the back though. It does look a bit weird without a collar, but that's just following the evolution of the modern rugby jersey. My final note in relation to the jersey is the star insignia. It's awesome. But can you see it? Look really closely at the belly of Benn Robinson and Berrick Barnes in the pics I've thrown up and you may just spot them. Are they embossed or in white? If they're white, I reckon that's a fail. Make them green, so they stand out. It'd still look better than the wallabra.

On to the shorts. One comment: Ditch the curved piping. Stripes look much better. Finally, the socks, which look absolutely terrible. Ok, the piping kinda looks like it lines up with the shorts, but it's still awful. And what's going on below the ankle? Why do they suddenly change to black?

Verdict: B-

Righto, like it or lump it rugby season is again just around the corner. Which means that the Tri-Nations and Bledisloe Cup games are also on their way. So this year, the year before the World Cup, lets get fucking fired up.

There are some corners of the rugby community which seem to find it acceptable to root for Australia - or that's what talkback would lead you to believe. There are others who, when the All Blacks lose, want to get Deans back over.

Unacceptable.

He works for the enemy. Would your grandfather, you know, the guy who constantly says

rugby is for faggots and pussies now they've gotten rid of rucking and you can't tackle 'round the neck... And did you see they're wearing fucking makeup now?

accept this? No fucking way. When Sir Brian Lochore lost to Alan Jones do you think gramps would've accepted that loss to a worthy opposition? Or would he have jumped on Lochore saying that he selected the worst All Black team ever, and he lacks vision? Fuck no. He'd have been baying for Green and Gold blood. So lets get that back.

Deans isn't a New Zealander now. He knows the words to their anthem. He doesn't sing the 'Waltzing Matilda, who bloody killed her, lying on the grass with a dagger up her arse' version.

He was a Cavalier. He didn't give a shit about South Africa. And he doesn't like heartland rugby - you better believe it. It's a good thing he's gone, or you bet your ass the ANZC would just be Auckland, Wellington and Canterbury. Here's proof.

Counties-Manukau had a chance to win the Ranfurly Shield from the evil vice-grip of the Canterbury juggernaut. They were ahead, 15-12. Deans just had to nail this impossible shot to level the scores and give the CM Steelers a 'what up'.

So lets get some intensity to this rivalry before the World Cup shall we?

Sione Lauaki: Sup dox?

Ian Foster: Sione! You're late. Now that you're captain you can't do shit like this.

Sione: Sorry dox! I was watching this new video on my computer. 'Cause I didn't get a new phone from Telecom last year 'cause I wasn't in the All Blacks! That's pretty stink. But the video's got LaDanian Tomlinson in it. I reckon we should base our offense on it this year!

*Breaks into song*

SL style electric gliiiide

*Drops ball, knocks it on*

Foster: Good, you haven't tried to improve your gameplay over summer. Right. I've called you all here to talk about the upcoming pre-season Super 14 match against the Highlanders piss trip. I've already spoken to them, and they've agreed to bootleg us some moonshine. So we're all good on that front. Now we've just got to sort out a gameplan.

Richard Kahui: No sweat Fozzy Bear. We've got it all sussed out. They can come out with me, 'cause then it'll make them all look hotter and they can get the wimmin I don't want. 'Cept for Tim Boys, 'cause he'll fit right in anyway.

Foster: Awesome, great to know you've got your priorities right. Everyone chop one back now!

*Whole team sculls a can of Waikato Draught*

Fantastic. I don't see why people question our pre-season routine every year when we get injuries. Alright boys, chant time. On three, fuck them up.

1, 2, 3.

Whole team: Fuck them up! 

My mate Josh Herron has released a new video, profiling the entire 2009 Formula Drift series. I haven't posted his stuff for a while, due to early objections, but this is probably his best work to date. Enjoy.

Formula Drift 2009 from Joshua Herron on Vimeo.